July 2, 2011

            People look at each other even if they don’t want to. In the subway, they look at each others’ arms holding on to bars and handles. When climbing stairs, they look at the backs of other people’s heads, some climbing faster and some slower than their own heads. They compare clothes with each other. Most people’s clothes are things one would never wear, she thinks, some people’s bodies are weird or too fat or too skinny, some people’s hairstyles are funny and distant. And then there are some people she likes, even envies for the way they appear. She likes their shirts or their noses, but she can’t use them to make herself pretty because she doesn’t have them. She has to deal with the fact that she’s a different person. Pants that look good on her ass would look awful on someone else’s ass, but sometimes that’s not enough.

            People look at each other when they are walking in the streets. When it’s raining, some carry black and yellow and pink umbrellas, some have their hoods up, so they look like tall, eager dementors, and some have nothing to brace themselves with and move more quickly than anyone else. People don’t want to look at each other at that moment, but they still do. Their retinas do register little bits of light coming in, and the mind does decipher and systemize all those shapes, colors, and whatever, so people do see other people. Her mind stores an unknown man’s wrinkles and grumbly eyebrows. She sees the man drop his keys on the sidewalk ten centimeters from a pigeon, the pigeon shoots up in the air, frightened, and the man bends over on one leg to pick up his keys. She wishes she could have taken a photo of this duet across species.

            Animals observe people too. Octopi, penguins, polar bears, ostriches, they all observe themselves as well as people. I don’t know what they see, but they too can’t help seeing us. Even if they close their eyes, light still penetrates their eyelids just like it penetrates ours. I guess, though, they are much better at accepting that they can’t stop looking at us.